#(my point is just that idk much about christianity)
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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Don't know whether it's a product of my upbringing or just part of who I am, but I really do tend to shrug off things that seem to send others into massive guilt spirals. Like, what's the point? Either you meant to do it or you didn't. If you meant to do it but regret it now, make what amends you can & resolve to do better, then move on. If you didn't mean to, be honest about it, apologize if need be, & try to do better. Then move on.
Beating yourself up truly serves no purpose. What are we, catholic? If there is a god, I truly don't think they'd care, anyways
#speculation nation#religion might have some part in it. i was taught a flavor of christianity that portrayed god as loving above all else.#portrayed god as *forgiving*. thats the point of jesus dying on the cross? forgiving your sins?#i was taught that so long as you tried to do good and believed in god then you would go to heaven.#none of that internalized guilt shit. it really serves no purpose.#this could potentially stem from prior abuse too. in which case. well. i hope people can break out of those patterns of thought. sincerely.#i have a history with abuse but idk ive run under a 'fuck those people' mentality. why should i run by the way they treated me?? genuinely.#no one person is singularly horrible and irredeemable. no not even you.#youre your harshest critic. you have front row seats to all ur nasty thoughts. things that most people dont say out loud.#everyone has nasty thoughts though. some more than others. but what matters is what you *do*. not what you think.#no one is gonna know any mean or awful thoughts you have if you dont tell them. thought crimes arent real. what matters is what you *do*.#and even for the things you do wrong. everyone makes mistakes. just work to do better next time.#genuinely makes me so sad to see polls asking about ppl's self perceptions & seeing majority of ppl so down on themselves.#like come on. i used to think i was an awful person bc i knew all the mean and kind of manipulative things id think.#but eventually i recognized that no one is perfect and everyone has ugly thoughts. just do your best to do good & learn from your mistakes.#if you do that much then youre a well-meaning human being. not perfect but no one is. that should be enough.#maybe if i exhibit enough of my 'idgaf' attitude about this kind of thing i can influence some other ppl with it as well. 🤔🤔 hmmm
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"baby, if it feels good, then it can't be bad"
(a post s3 steve harrington songfic based on Gibson Girl by Ethel Cain)
TWs// sexual content, dubious consent to put it lightly but it's more implied to be sexual assault, past csa, grooming, it's not super detailed (the csa much less so, and told through memories where steve doesn't even exactly know what's happening), but like. you know. it's pretty bad. referenced physical abuse. referenced past incestual sexual abuse. alcohol consumption, smoking. lightly implied drugging.
also, disclaimer: this is all told through steve's eyes—the way he sees things is very warped, his relationship with sex is unhealthy to say the least, and just because he's saying he feels good does not mean that anything that happens in this is good. it isn't. nothing about this is good or healthy at all.
She approached him in the dark behind the bar, where Steve was half-considering lighting up in spite of his promise of quitting to Robin. He had drank enough that it didn't seem to matter. She had leather pants on, and sunglasses, despite the dark.
"Corey Hart fan?" he asked lightly. She didn't bother to answer.
"Just saw you leave the bar. I'm glad you stuck around."
Steve didn't recognize her, and she didn't seem to recognize him either. She was dragging her eyes across his body, and Steve was suddenly all-too conscious of his scars on display, his sweat-melted hair wax.
He was sick of it, he was sick of feeling ugly, and this girl had desire in her eyes. Steve was craving desire.
And he was craving thrill. His thoughts had been rapid all week, his body more fidgety, his stomach constantly filled with bees and his energy so high he hadn't needed more than a couple hours of sleep a night. He had so much time in every day, but nothing to fill it with besides the monotony of work, and he needed adrenaline. There weren't any monsters to fight now, and there weren't any basketball games to play since high school, and he needed the feeling. The melting, excruciating, nauseating excitement, racing heart, the feeling of something about to happen, the fear, the risk.
"You came alone to me—from however far away," he mused, lighting his cigarette, delicately placing it between his lips, exhaling into her face.
"How'd you know?" she asked with a grin.
You're all the same.
Steve shrugged. "Lucky guess."
She stepped in, so he could feel her breath on his face. "You gonna buy me a drink?"
Steve put the cig out on his thigh. He didn't feel the burn. "I was just about to ask."
If I'm still walking straight, I need another drink anyway.
They went inside together, sat back at the bar. Steve opened a new tab.
By the time he had a glass of whiskey in his hand, she had a hand on his thigh. She didn't even pretend to drink the vodka she'd ordered, and he was still downing his last gulp of whiskey when she pushed it into his hand with a little half-smile. He drank it.
The lights were bleeding all over him.
He felt a hand in his back pocket, and when he looked up, she was pulling cash out of his wallet.
You wanna love me right now?
"You wanna get alone with me?" Steve asked. Her eyes were bright, and she nodded, pulling him to his feet and all but dragging him out of the bar. He wasn't exactly sure when he'd gotten there, but he was in the trunk of a car, the backseats folded down to make room. "You wanna get my clothes off and hurt me?"
He hadn't meant to say 'hurt.' But she just laughed and grinned, and ripped his clothes off.
☤
"Baby, if it feels good, then it can't be bad," Lynn says. Steve's eight now, beginning to question if it was wrong. He's remembering his Sunday school teacher talking about how nakedness was wrong, or something. And a new word, he doesn't know what it means. 'Chastity.'
Lynn's touching him, she says it's to make him feel good. He doesn't really know how he feels. It reminds him a little of his grandfather, but Lynn's a woman, and she's not family, so it's different. It's better. If he closes his eyes and lets himself sink into it, he likes it. Is he supposed to like it? Lynn says he's supposed to like it.
He tells her he does, and opens his eyes when she's done, and she's smiling. She promises him a new teddy bear. But for right now, it's his turn to make her feel good.
☤
Steve likes to think he's a good person now, but he knows he's still a whore, and he can't deny the high that comes with being immoral in a stranger's lap. He's kissing over her chest and grinding down onto her leather pants, and she's digging her nails into his back. He still doesn't even know her name. She doesn't know his. Maybe it's better that way.
She hasn't taken off more than her shirt still, but he's fully naked. It's dark, the only light coming from a dim greenish streetlamp outside the car, and he thinks maybe she can't see his scars, but she's running her hands over the scar on his chest, from where the Russian guards had cut him open. She looks at it with something he can't quite decipher. It almost looks like fascination, but he knows that isn't it. Her eyes are wide, her pupils dilated.
Ah. Desire.
"You know, I was serious about hurting me. You wanna add some more?"
☤
"I'm in love with your body. That's why I'm fucking it up." Steve listens to Lynn's voice from where she sits on the back of his legs. He is on his stomach, face turned to the side so he can breathe. He can’t see her. He sees his disorientingly patterned wall. He smells rosewater and orange zest, and his head feels fuzzy. Something hurts. Everything hurts. He doesn’t think about it too much. He just focuses on the warmth, the heat from the points of contact between him and his babysitter, the sweat in the backs of his knees, on his upper lip. The bedsheets are damp. It’s itchy.
☤
Steve tasted his own blood on her teeth as she bit his upper lip. He was starting to see colors in the spaces where she'd been after she moved. And then his face was between her thighs, and when had her pants even come off at all? His heart was racing, exactly like he'd wanted, and his body was wracked with tremors. He listened to the music coming from her lips, the moans rising from her chest, and his heart leapt. I did that. I'm making her feel good.
His arms felt a bit numb as he reached up to rub his thumbs into her hips. She was panting hard, and he was giddy.
"Oh, fuck—you really are special, baby," she hissed.
Steve's eyes widened, watered, and he whimpered against her.
I'm special. She said I'm special.
Steve was going to ride this high for at least a week. He was desirable, wanted, special. He basked in her attention, even if he knew he wouldn't see her again after tonight.
He felt like he was being shown something he could never have. Something he'd searched for all his life. For a second, he could pretend it was love. Love for his brain and his scars and his body. Him taking all of her attention and giving back anything she wanted in return. Just to feel special. He'd do anything.
Because that's what love was, right? Love, want, attention, specialness, was just tied to sex. Maybe his parents didn't love him since they couldn't fuck him. His grandfather loved him, his babysitter loved him, and for one night at a time, anyone could love him. And growing up, it was the only way he was really touched, with affection, at least. In ways other than a beating.
He knew that wasn't right, because him and Robin loved each other. He loved the kids—never in that way, ever, and he still loved them. It was a different kind of love. But then, it was another different kind he was looking for, anyway. Maybe he was ungrateful. But he was hungry for attention, for someone to call him special, to want him around, he was starving for it.
His thoughts weren't making much sense anymore.
She was holding him in her lap, his boxers were back on, he was resting his head on her shoulder. He assumed she'd finished at some point, he didn't remember, and he knew he hadn't, but he hadn't really wanted to anyway.
He was drooling, and he couldn't stop himself, and he couldn't see much, but her body was warm. He crawled closer, squirmed in tighter. It felt good to be held. He felt good.
He woke up almost naked on the sidewalk in the sun with drool pooling at his chin and the rest of his clothes on a pile next to him.
#wicked writing#steve harrington#steve harrington whump#ethel cain#steve harrington has bad parents#only briefly mentioned though#check the tws!!! please!!!#also i havent edited this at all i just wrote it out and like. yeah#i dunno. it was pretty cathartic to write though#and if you noticed the implications of steve having HPD and/or bipolar that was in fact on purpose#i dont know if this is actually good because i kinda dont wanna reread it but#i think i needed to write it?#i kinda feel lighter after writing it#OH#also sorry if the bar stuff isnt accurate#i dont go to bars lol#and also the sunday school is prob inaccurate#im muslim lol#(a terrible muslim but muslim nonetheless)#(my point is just that idk much about christianity)#ok sorry for rambling in the tags.
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#accidentally got into a bit of an argument with my sunday school teacher/youth group leader this morning#(tho I didn't see it as an argument? more of a difference of opinions? slash-me asking for clarification on his points#and opinions on mine?#but my sisters said it felt like I was arguing so. *helpless shrug* that wasn't the intention really)#but the subject was about heaven/the christian's true home#and he was saying that the descriptions of glory and splendor in Revelation (streets of gold/foundations of the city/12 gates/etc)#are all real literal actual descriptions of heaven and that's where we'll open our eyes as soon as we die#and as I'm leaning more and more into 'revelation is largely a prophetic vision and we should be careful not to take too much of it#too literally' lately#I was saying that 'heaven' as we call it is the state of being returned to perfect unity with God + the New Creation#which will be brought about after the end of days#and. yeah.#now I'm largely just confused lol#because it just seems to me like saying 'yeah as soon as I die I'm gonna wake up in a MANSION and there's gonna be JEWELRY EVERYWHERE#and GOLD STREETS and ALL THESE VERY SPECIFIC SYMBOLIC ARCHITECTURAL FEATURES#is... slightly missing the point???#I personally find it far more hopeful and attractive to say tbh idk what it's gonna be like when I open my eyes on the other side of death#BUT I know that God is going to bring me back!! I will be resurrected in a new body with a new purpose in a new *world*#and it will be every single thing I love about this world but BETTER!!! no death!! no sorrow!!! no pain!! perfect undistracted fulfillment#of my callings!!! a wonderful fantastic beautiful unbroken world and //I// will get to live in it and help cultivate it!!!!#and actually this may be a bit of a rabbit trail but I wonder why the churches I've grown up in don't seem to care that much#about the New Earth? they're all like 'YEAH HEAVEN :D :D :D GOLD STREETS 'N PEARLY GATES :D :D :D'#but never 'hey did you know that all the horrible ways we've destroyed this wonderful place that we live in now will be undone?#and we'll come back to earth but it'll be just like it was in the Garden???? isn't it cool that as much terrible stuff we inflict on#ourselves and others and God's beautiful work of creation it's STILL not more than God can redeem and remake and restore???'#bc that message seems a lot more inspiring to me? not just escapism but restoration and reclamation?#idk. I wish I had people to actually discuss these sorts of spiritual things with around...#maybe I'll find them at college... I really hope I do...#tag ramble#christianity
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I feel like the idea of "forgiveness" for people who've hurt you is like... Pretty christian based? Bc ngl. Why tf am i forgiving someone who abused me a lot. If we're talking "mental peace"... Well bud i kinda just gotta not think about it or when i do to work on my emotions around it so i can cope better with my trauma. Literally why am i forgiving people who dont regret hurting me and who would never apologize and how exactly does that bring more "peace"? Bc personally id feel like im ignoring something that bothers me a lot just so i can tolerate being around it when idk. Theres people who i definitely dont need to tolerate being around lol.
#forgiveness#quote unquote#some of these people would actively continue trying to hurt me if i was still around them and literally wtf is the use#of forgiveness then???#being unfazed by their presence seems to be the better alternative as well as ignoring them..?#or idk. literally fucking leaving the room if they arrive.#'forgiveness' is what christians do towards non christians who fail to fail to be christians. its patronizing. its assumptive.#as if those people are somehow spiritually crying out that theyre sorry. thats how christians are w forgiveness.#how tf is what id be doing if i 'forgive' my abusers any different#its 'forgiveness' with the assumption that some day the person whos hurting you or in this case simply not christian will actually#decide you were right and 'apologize' for going against them#idk about you but i dont want to live in a false reality daydream that my abuser will someday be normal and nice and empathetic#how is that a useful belief at all in the long run. im just convincing myself somethings gonna happen that wont.#i think more ppl should go about the world assuming their abuser doesnt give a fuck and never will bc quite honestly that seems more likely#ive never felt peaceful when i attmept to forgive people knowing inside im still upset with them#however i feel much more peaceful when i embrace the fact they dont care and thus i dont have to care about them either 🤷#like accepting the current facts brings me more relief than speculating on the future.#idk but i kinda refuse to forgive people who dont regret their actions towards me and who dont give af about me#if getting caught up in resentment is the issue... then you need some therapy of sorts to work on the resentment so you can get to a point#where you dont give a fuck if they do apologize. not assume someday like a pretentious asshole that theyll apologize#literally im nowhere near that important to my abusers for them to do that
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Evangelion movie hello
#So Adam creates angels and Lilith creates Evas but also humans as Shinji's dead bf said... so Evas are humans too? Is that it#asuka IN THE GAME AGAIN!!! YEAAAAHHHH#is her mother the eva.... like maybe its metaphorical but maybe not like shinjis mother maybe is in unit 1 so.... idk man...#rei has herself??? she wouldnt have an ag field without a mother then andjakqk but she does.... idk man#WHAT DID SHINJI DO TO ASUKA. I THOUGHT THAT WAS ONE THING NOT THAT. NOOOOOOOO#NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MISATOOOOOOOOOOO#asuka i will get you out of there i promise#ritsuko's paceful face when pointing a gun at ikari sr ajdiajqiq yeah....#what did this fucking evil man say... cant even say a true fucking thing to a dead woman... DIEEEEE#“thanks to the five (5) women that helped bring this picture to its completion” just the voice actresses yeah i can tell#not the tit touch again.... is this a theme or what... what am i supposed to get from this the heart is in the middle my guy#REI YES!!!! KILL HIM FIRST REI!!! DO HIS HEAD NOW!!!#im sorry... why is rei so scary but then whatever she is turns to a manic pixie dream boy and shinji cries of joy akdhaisjsisk GAY!!!#there is so much to say about this but i am afraid i might be too dumb for it bc nothing comes out but alas im having fun#asuka is shinjis foil but why are they doing this#“does misato really do things like that” refering to sex is the most 14 yo thing that shinji has ever said i get it. everyone does it shinji#i think there is enough what women are triad things in here.... can we stop.... sister mother lover.... woman scientist mother...#we get it you dont get women i thought shinji was opposing kaji by not understanding him when he said men and women are separate...#figured out what an at field is.... thank you thank you.... its what encapsulates your person and ego i get it now....20 minutes left aldhsk#shinji out of all people being the brain.... nepotism bc yui came up with all of this i guess#jumpscared by the real footage after the fuckfest#the footage of the people at the screenings of the movie.... i can't imagine seeing this in a cinema christ#the cordial handhsake with the thank you 😭😭😭 thats the shinji i know....#rei is the lover sister mother but why is there a boy there too?? akdhakshaksjaj i need answers... is that his father?? shinji you're fucked#maybe freud was right maybe i need to kill the freud that lives inside my head. this will make me introspect after all akdhaks#alright. are they meant to repopulate the earth is that it? do i need to stray out of the christianism of it all? asuka i will get you out!!#i have so many questions... like both in narrative and outside of it#i dont wanna think about it now tho.... sick visuals 10/10 on that front#talking tag#watching evangelion
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We are NOT talking about the sleep i really need to get. That aside.
I keep giving my haircut a chance when at this point ... it's either style it or look Bad but i can't style it. It lends itself to half a million awkward stages, i guess.
... well, when did i ever care so much about how people see me? Nobody's made fun of me for it, really*, but i'm worried any attempt to cut it myself will look bad and be pointedly commented on. Like ................. my plan is a buzzcut. Literally. Impossible to fuck up.
("But what if!" Highly unlikely???)
*roommate's comment from a few months ago aside
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#i don't even mind my shitty little neckbeard on it's own i just Hate when people point it out#god bless [not christian] my cousin for doing my makeup all guard season and not saying a single word about any of my face T_T#they have a very rude friend communication style and i think i would simply Perish#(... they are also the reason my rudeness upped exponentially LMAO)#but yeahhh i'm just ehhhhhhhhhhhh#if he (housemate) was willing to point out it looked like a bowl cut what else might he say........#what comments might it garner from my parents ....... idk#&like i SWEAR this used to not be so much of an issue??? maybe i'm misremembering but. literally How did we get here#i'm also worried *i* won't like it but personally i wouldnt mind wearing a hat for a week#just ...... its unusual for me to do so now .............. so everyone would Know#a.#anyways i'm thinking maybe october 1st i'll shave it and then deal with the consequences#momentary cuteness is not worth the dreaded mushroom....
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#i love the salon im working at rn so much dont get me wrong#i feel so incredibly lucky working there for many reasons#and im going to preface this with im on my period and feeling off anyways#so anyways im interning for like 2 years at this salon before i get on the floor so theyre training me rn to be able to intern for the#bigger stylists. so the girl whos been training me went on vacation and she put me with someone i havent worked with before#and this girl was really nice and i liked her other than some of my minor mishaps that lowkey sent me over the edge but thats not the point#anyways i worked for her for 6 hours until she left and i got to go home and we get done and i start to leave and she says something along#the lines of im great and doing great but i need to work on keeping time and basically interrupting stylists to let them know a client is#there. and she told me i just need to be more confident in myself. which is nice and it was a good and valid critique buy ooooo bitch. oooo#i held it together long enough until i got in the car and started telling my bf about it and i cracked in the middle of speaking and just#bawled my fucking eyes out. idk if its bc it was the most direct someone has been with me since ive only been there for 2 weeks or what but#it sent me over the edge so hard i ended up getting home and eating my lunch and sleeping for 4 hours LMFAO#it just kills me that she wasnt even mean but she said it in front of other interns like thats not deeply embarrassinh#*embarrassing anyways fucking christians BFBFNNCHDKEJEUSKS i work for her again thursday so hopefully she doesnt make me feel dead inside#by the end of my shift again ): it just was nooooot a good day for me#self
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my ‘church girl era’ bc that’s when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i weren’t baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didn’t know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#that’s when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldn’t go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didn’t really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but it’s interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i can’t see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just can’t get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just can’t see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like i’ve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i don’t want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isn’t any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in i’d love your thoughts#lj.txt
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ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far
#there are parts ive kinda disagreed with either what shes saying or how shes saying it but i mean given the whole point of the book i doubt#that the author would take offense at that and would in fact encourage it esp given that its a book and not a convo#like. i should hope i have some disagreements with just the introductory chapter‚ she hasnt had a chance to fully explain herself yet and#i feel like having a written record of my disagreement before potentially changing my mind is very much in the spirit of the ideas this book#is offering yknow#like at one point shes talking about religious perspectives on wrongness and says some scholars believe its abt like#our wrongness comes from eden‚ our lack of understanding of absolute right and wrong that god has#but its like. ok but the whole point with the garden of eden was that the lack of knowledge of right and wrong /was/ the extra knowledge#god had and we didnt that prevented us from sinning#eating of the tree and Gaining the knowledge of good and evil was what gave humans the ability to sin in the first place#because if we cant know something is wrong and choose to do it anyways then what is the sin?#its like how with animals we don't see them killing each other as wrong#because they dont have 'morals' like we do‚ they dont have a sense of right vs wrong so the things they do cant be classified that way#so idk if its like. thats just a difference in how my church taught us vs the scholars the author checked out#or just like. a misunderstanding in the story of eden?#i just dont get presenting eden as the example for 'we dont have the knowledge of right and wrong god does so thats what makes us able to#do wrong' when the whole thing with that story was like.#gaining the knowledge of right and wrong was what gave us that ability. like thats just backwards#(also disclaimer that i am not a christian and do not actually believe in these things‚ im just using the language as if i do here to kinda#speak from the perspective of my past self who /did/ believe it)#so im excited to find out if like. shes gonna expand further on that (next chapter is abt history so maybe) and ill be like#ohhhhh ok i see what that meant#or if ill be like 'hm yeah you just maybe had a misconception abt how the garden of eden story worked'#and like i can kinda see room for the first one already in that it said like 'we dont have gods /absolute/ knowledge of right and wrong'#so theyre saying like. we were given /some/ of the knowledge of good and evil‚ but that that in and of itself didnt /actually/ bring us up#to gods understanding of it#idk its been a while since i reread the bible‚ i do kinda remember there being a second tree? but i dont think it was like#'tree of full onniscience' i thought it was the tree of eternal life or smth#or maybe im just mixing up the bible and the narnia remix of it? i know there is a tree of eternal life in the magicians apprentice#origibberish
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want to get back into tarot but my dad would nooooot approve
#idk why because hes not even super religious#like obv we're in a christian family so he has that and like i know he believes in god and stuff#but i dont think hes gone to church since the times his mother wouldve forced him to#maybe he wouldnt be mad about it. he is curious and he does believe in the universe and fate and talks about it much more then god#but you know#society if i didnt have the nosiest dad in the west (how the heck do i get a package without him asking to see what it is)#(if i say no he'll get even more suspicious)#but ive been seeing videos of people practicing hellenism (bonus points: usually with the one i worship)#and my birthday is sunday this year#sooooooo im feeling like it might be time for me to Return to it all#but like. never tell a christian you worship another god especially if it is not monotheism is what i have learned#they will not like it very much#how do i subtly make an altar now that i have a bit more space and am not going between houses#id love to make a proper one#i kind of need to just redo my entire room and change my furniture (its not happening bc furniture expensive but just pretend like it could
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how do you feel about viktor becoming jesus
honestly at this point I think he seems much more Moses-esque, especially in his costuming.
and y'know given that Moses was the one given special divine knowledge by an unearthly vision, which he felt charged to bring to his people no matter the cost...
Of course he also literally just died and was resurrected, and he conspicuously wears Virgin Mary blue, so, idk, mixed bag. But I don't think he's being visually coded as just a Jesus figure, I think it's a mixture of a number of Christian and Hebrew religious images going around here.
And my read is that his arc this season is to figure out that the Hexcore is manipulating him pretty ruthlessly to bring it more flesh and more sacrifices to "eat" and merge with, and he will have to resist and defeat it (... perhaps with a bunch of technological cyborg innovation?)
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it's been way too long since i last did wildly self-indulgent fanart, so of course i did it for an SVSSS AU that doesn't even have any actual fanfiction written of it yet. but what can i say! it's a compelling scenario! Just check the original post for details!
here's a workplace doodle for his mess of an outfit, too:
Xin Mo is floating behind his back, wrapped in talismans. the collars are meant to be vaguely inspired on a flower bud.
Some notes i came up with for this version, copied straight from a month-old discord convo:
he may have protagonist halo now, but he's for sure not a stallion protagonist. he literally exchanged fates with his favorite person in the world in order to spare them a hellish trial-- that's romantic as fuck!! damn!! this is old CLAMP shoujo and no mistake!!
binghe may no longer be the protag, but he's still a half-heavenly demon. power-wise, heavenly demons can't be topped, and all the remaining heavenly demons are accounted for. so, SQQ can't be a heavenly demon, even in part.
HOWEVER, as a protagonist, there's a factor more important than power! it's the CHUUNI FACTOR. what's more CHUUNI™️ than being part demon?
one option is being part demon and part angel.
how would that even fucking work??????? IDK man, you can either pull from chinese folklore for fairies or heavenly beings or spirits, or you can blame Airplane and go "he accidentally implied the existence of christian elements by means of importing unexamined anime tropes"
Shen Jiu conveniently has a big fat blank on his parentage. We as fans can and have put whatever the hell we wanted there.
SQQ would jump into the abyss still under the impression SJ was a shallow villain. If his trip through the abyss involves recovering SJ's memories somehow, that sure would be fun times, huh?
so he awakens a mysterious ancestry and survives the abyss and takes Xin Mo, but he probably takes longer than Binghe did due to being squishier.
but Xin Mo isn't ACTUALLY his! so he papers it over with sealing talismans, and to battle the temptation to wield it he takes to wearing these longass sleeves. they're probably covered in talismans as well.
guessing Xiu Ya stayed behind to be mooned over by the clown trio in Cang Qiong. let's go full sparkle-sue here and say he's now fighting almost entirely via musical cultivation. i like swan-necked konghou harps so let's go with that, it'll look dope.
why is he barefoot? why WOULDN'T he be, is the question. fragile!! suffering!! dainty!! he's a shrinking flower, tormented by the weight of the One Sword To Rule Them All!!
also for extra pathos, his constant mental struggle against Xin Mo means he can't spare energy to front. it takes constant focus! he's still a bit in his delusional shit, but even when he's going "oh no, binghe is only latched throat-deep onto my dick because he's a good boy who's concerned about me and the danger i could pose by losing control" he'd probably… well, he'd probably say that out loud to anyone who asked. he's in a half-trance, mentally battling the crazy-making sword. lying is too much work.
Wouldn’t resisting Xin Mo’s influence be the mental and spiritual equivalent to training under 400x gravity or something? his wife-beam is going to be off the charts when he puts it down.
also also: who the hell dressed him like that? fucking shang qinghua, of course, after SQQ showed up in the northern palace to punish MBJ for hurting binghe in the conference. did the system explain shit to SQH? on the one hand, extremely funny if it updates him on the role change out of nowhere mid-alliance. on the other hand, extremely funny if he only finds out because Binghe is crying safely in Qing Jing while the scum villain apparently jumped into the abyss.
Here's another link to the original AU post! I've had it open on a tab all this time just so i could point to it when I was done, so make sure to check it out!
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spice up your life | lewis hamilton social media au
pairing: lewis hamilton x fem horner!reader
slam it to your left and fall in love with your dad's team's main rival, shake it to your right and cause chaos
MASTERLIST | TIPS
yourusername
liked by christianhorner, lewishamilton and 1,093,448 others
tagged: lewishamilton
yourusername: matcha only soz babe
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user4: they're so aesthetic i love them
user5: i need these f1 connections so my desk can look like that
lewishamilton: in matcha we trust - and almave, check it out at www.almave.com
yourusername: get that bag queen?
lewishamilton: i am just a cog in the capitalist machine
yourusername: babe you are the capitalist machine mr. millionaire
lewishamilton: all i'm gonna say is let's make sure we're in monaco when the inheritance comes in
christianhorner: i can see this?
lewishamilton: is this the point when i'm meant to say sorry?
yourusername: considering we're on the way to his house yeah probably
lewishamilton: sorry i guess
christianhorner: i'll take it for now
user6: the way dads are usually mean to their daughter's bf but it's just on crack with christian and lewis
user7: all i can think is that it must have been hell in 2021
user8: i mean lewis and y/n have been together for years so like it's probably just a running joke (for now)
maxverstappen1: i will fight you if you dare bring me a matcha latte again - I ASKED FOR A RED BULL
yourusername: girl.
maxverstappen1: don't think i can't unseat you for christian's favourite
yourusername: if it's a scrap you're asking for you're gonna get one
maxverstappen1: bring it on
lewishamilton: are you sure you guys aren't related?
yourusername: as if i'd want to be related to THAT
maxverstappen1: babe you WISH you had looks like this
lewishamilton: okay....
user9: someone free lewis
user10: i know he regularly questions how much he can take
lewishamilton: y/n is worth it :)
yourusername: love you babe x
lewishamilton
liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,400,331 others
tagged: yourusername, christianhorner & gerihorner
lewishamilton: no more racing means i'm stuck with this lot
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user11: imagine getting on the tube and it's lewis and christian
user12: clearly the biggest deal here is GINGER SPICE
yourusername: you love us really
lewishamilton: i love YOU really
christianhorner: i know you love me deep down lewis
lewishamilton: i'll say yes but just because it's that time of the year
yourusername: that's the spirit !!
christianhorner: you should keep me on side you never know who is picking behind you in white elephant
lewishamilton: you WOULDN'T
christianhorner: it is my job to be able to read you and i know for a fact that you come to white elephant with the intentions to just claim the gift you bought. and because i know this i have correctly deduced the gift you have brought every year. i will claim it this year just to spite you
lewishamilton: damn. toto isn't even this level.
user13: lewis is so real for claiming his own gift at white elephant
maxverstappen1: YOU RIG WHITE ELEPHANT????
yourusername: lMAO
maxverstappen1: he is disrespecting the horner christmas traditions
lewishamilton: you're not a horner bro
maxverstappen1: @christianhorner MAKE HIM TAKE IT BACK !!! TELL HIM I'M A HONORARY HORNER NOW
christianhorner: max is a honorary horner
maxverstappen1: see !!!!!!!!! @lewishamilton you're not even a horner STONES AND GLASS AND HOUSES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
lewishamilton: *not yet
yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
user14: idk about you but i actually live for the lil spats between all of them and y/n just watching with popcorn
user15: is he teasing an ENGAGEMENT
user16: i mean they've been together for years we've been waiting
christianhorner
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tagged: lewishamilton, maxverstappen1 & yourusername
christianhorner: happy birthday to one of the greatest of all time in our sport and the love of my daughter's life. i can't say i was overjoyed by her choice in a boyfriend when i first found out, but you guys are perfect for each other! happy birthday and don't have too much fun
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user17: annual toto and christian truce on lewis' birthday
user18: i know lewis and y/n are just chuckling to themselves when they once again purposefully sit christian and toto together
user19: plus george and max together
lewishamilton: thank you christian, i hope to annoy you on track as much as i do off track this season!
yourusername: i don't think his blood pressure can take that babe
christianhorner: i am not that old
yourusername: if that's what you wanna hear... sure!
christianhorner: i wanted this to be a happy post don't make me call in max
yourusername: ... you wouldn't?
maxverstappen1: i'm already here dumbass
lewishamilton: of course you are
maxverstappen1: i was going to say happy birthday but i'm always down to tussle with y/n
yourusername: i will read your ass for filth
lewishamilton: and i will help :)
maxverstappen1: fine. you win this round birthday boy and other one
user20: i hope they keep up this bit forever
yourusername: *happy birthday to the sexiest guy in the world. there fixed it for you
christianhorner: that would be quite inappropriate for me to say
lewishamilton: i see how it is christian
yourusername: don't worry babe the most important horner thinks you're sexy and that's all that matters
lewishamilton: i love you too, you're definitely the sexiest horner
maxverstappen1: max verstappen erasure
yourusername: FUCK OFF
user21: can christian just adopt max already?
lewishamilton: don't give him any ideas
lewishamilton
liked by georgerussell63, alexalbon and 2,311,044 others
tagged: yourusername
lewishamilton: can you guys stop fucking yelling at me now. jokes, i just got engaged to the love of my life, it doesn't get any better than this (though if your dad and quasi-brother wanna let me win a race i'd be thankful)
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user25: crying like it's my own two kids getting married oh my
user26: the dress is going to be so fucking beautiful i can't wait !!
yourusername: haven't stopped crying, i love you so much
lewishamilton: i love you more
yourusername: NOT POSSIBLE
lewishamilton: i'd be prepared to swear it in a court of law
yourusername: i'd be prepared to literally carve it into my body
lewishamilton: .... babe
yourusername: too far?
lewishamilton: probably, but i appreciate the notion
user27: do we wanna put bets on whether max is going to be nice or a goblin?
maxverstappen1: congratulations assface i guess you really are gonna be a horner before me
lewishamilton: your happiness is really translating through the screen
maxverstappen1: despite popular opinion, i am very happy for you guys and i am very grateful that you treat me like family xoxo
maxverstappen1: okay that's enough being nice, save me a slice of cake or your ass is grass
yourusername: awwww maxy i knew you loved us really!!
maxverstappen1: maybe enough to make me best man?
yourusername: not best man... but you could be my man of honour
maxverstappen1: WHAT ??? FOR REAL ??? DON'T FUCK WITH ME Y/N I'LL CRY
lewishamilton: as much as you annoy me, we'd love you to be part of our day
georgerussell63: max in the wedding party and i'm not... i won't hesitate to get toto on the phone
lewishamilton: I JUST PROPOSED CAN EVERYONE HOLD THEIR HORSES FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS
user28: so real of you lewis
christianhorner: congratulations!! i can't wait for the big day and for you to finally be a part of the family - JOINT CHRISTMAS I EXPECT EVERYONE THERE THIS YEAR
user29: okay someone check this man's tea
yourusername: thank you dad xxx love you lots
lewishamilton: thank you christian, i will pass on the christmas message
yourusername
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tagged: lewishamilton
yourusername: *fiance
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user29: the first pic? she on f1 twt or what?
lewishamilton: biggest honour eva
yourusername: nuh uh i'm marrying a knight DOES THAT MAKE ME A PRINCESS
lewishamilton: you're already a princess to me
yourusername: yeah i love you and all that but will the crown recognise me
lewishamilton: probably not ...
yourusername: lol screw them team diana forever
maxverstappen1: insufferable as always
yourusername: i will DESTROY you in a tickle battle when i next see you, consider that a warning
maxverstappen1: i'd like to see you try
yourusername: my new ring makes my slap a hell of a lot stronger btw
maxverstappen1: we get it you're getting married gosh
yourusername: you better get used to it unless you don't want to be man of honour anymore...
maxverstappen1: NO I DO
lewishamilton: this is great i'm gonna hang that over him every time he fucks me over in qualifying
maxverstappen1: UGH
christianhorner: do NOT forget dinner tonight, everyone has come (even the distant ones you didn't know about)
yourusername: we'll be there
lewishamilton: how many are we talking?
lewishamilton: i mean... i can't wait!!
lewishamilton
liked by sebastianvettel, yourusername and 2,410,551 others
tagged: mercedesamgf1
lewishamilton: finally got the 104 - i think the ring was good luck xx
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user30: WAR IS OVER HOLY FUCK THANK THE LORD
yourusername: falsehoods it was all you baby
lewishamilton: maybe it was the fact you had a merc cap on rather than that nasty ass red bull hat
yourusername: lewis !!
christianhorner: back winning and immediately on the offensive, i see
lewishamilton: i am ... sorry. got a lil excited - y/n does look best in my colours
christianhorner: i am obviously going to disagree
yourusername: can't we all be happy !!
christianhorner: after debrief and out of a 60 mile radius of toto wolff then yes
user31: can they get engaged every week please?
georgerussell63: so like i defended for you... can i be in the wedding party now?
yourusername: no?
maxverstappen1: HA
georgerussell63: lewis???
lewishamilton: i do what y/n says soz
georgerussell63: traitor. can carmen and i at least get front three rows at the ceremony?
yourusername: keep your nose away from any red bulls and maybe
christianhorner: that's my daughter :)
user32: imagine going into a coma in like 2015 and seeing brocedes is dead and buries and lewis and y/n HORNER are engaged even despite AD21
user33: why isn't this the focus of drive to survive?
yourusername: we're too sexy for netflix .... but we would do our own limited series for a price
lewishamilton: and you called me the capitalist machine ... ok
fin.
note: here it is my last WIP !! i haven't written for lewis in so long and i loved the dynamics in this (i think you can tell that i love max, considering he ends up in everything i write lol). so this also means... the requests are open !! i've already had exciting ones but feel free to send in more. also mamma mia p6 is now in the works as well. december is gonna be super busy for me (it's my birthday on the fifth) but hopefully i'll get some christmas themed ones out for all yall that celebrate !!
#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#f1 x reader#f1#f1 x you#f1 social media au#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton x you#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton social media au
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ppl are so scared of their inner animal side and its just so sad to me.
#deeply cant relate or understand at this point#most unique story plot ever: hi. my names joseffersine baybloucks. im your average every day kinda person. but i have a Dark side to me...#you see... there are times where i cant control myself... and i become... a beast... of sorts.... and eat people or something.#anyways its this very bad side of me that i reject like the good little christian i am#idk about yall but being an animal for me is all about fight or flight lmao. all that 'trying to posess and dominate others' shit is so#much more of a human thing for me.#animals dont do that shit. they're selfish and only care about themselves and their own. the drive to just like attack ppl unwarranted...#thats a human thing dhjbsdhvgdshgv#animals act in self defense. humans think about how to dominate.#and even when animals are trying to dominate its for self defense or to defend their territory. not bc they're trying to get one over on#Their Enemies#kill your ego not your inner animals side#your ego tells you you even have enemies. that other ppl are worth hyperfixating on neough in reference to you that they have a whole#label and place you've given them in your story#rather than just being an obstacle that you should try to be indifferent to to get over
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Can I request an Lucifer Morningstar x fem reader??
This like came up in my mind recently and I’m going feral over it
So Reader is Adams third wife that he had begged again to god to make him another wife (this is way before the exterminators fight with the devils when reader was created) and with that god made reader to be his wife that is different from both lilith and Eve, when reader was visiting The garden of Eden, she met lucifer who was on his way to do a meeting with the angels about the populations or the updates(idk you can do something like that) and lucifer was strolling through Eden again like going through a flashback when it all happened until he met reader who was sitting down underneath that same tree where he met Eve
Lucifer found reader enchanting and alluring since she was more beautiful then his ex wife, and soon had an urge to seduce reader like he did to adams other ex wives as lucifer held an apple to reader to tempt her with free will, reader was hesitant and tempted but asked lucifer “what did you do to make adams ex wives to leave him for you?” (She wasn’t told how adams ex wives fucked lucifer but she does know about the free will but what happened to Eve since she knew about the whole story about lucifer and lilith) it made lucifer smirk and told reader “would you like to know?”
(I’m sorry but like I’ve been thinking so much about it🤭🤭🤭)
Third times a charm (Lucifer Morningstar x Adam’s wife! Reader)
Legit love this idea, this a smut for obvi reasons
At this point, Adam just needs to stop because no one wants him also this takes place like 2 year-ish after Lilith left Lucifer
This is not proofread!!!
Also I’m not christen so I don’t know everything about Christianity. So I’m going off of Hazbin hotel and how I interpret the things I do know from the Bible
Reader is female in this
Warnings: smut, P n V sex, oral sex (reader reserving), reader is a virgin (Adam doesn’t get pussy) , dom! Lucifer, outside/public sex, Y/N is suggested to have big thighs, Lucifer comforting reader, Mentions of blood
⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧
No ones POV
After Lilith and Eve both falling for Lucifer’s tricks, Adam begged for a new wife. God obliged gave them one more, he named her Y/N, they had H/C hair and the most beautiful E/C eyes. They were a few form of beauty never seem before, oftenly considered the ‘beautiful one’ of Adams wives by the head angels. You lived with Adam, but due to Adam off doing heavens know what, she spent most of her time in the place it all started…the garden of Eden.
Y/N was told about how Lucifer ‘bewitched’ Lilith and eve to betray God and Adam and the heavens itself, but was never really known why they did, why did they choose Lucifer? It was a question they asked herself quite often.
On one summers day while Adam was off doing what Y/N could only assume to be ‘work’, she was once again in the garden. Y/N couldn’t explain why they like the garden so much but they felt so drawn to it. On this day, Y/N wasn’t the only one in the garden. This was one of the days the Angels were meeting with the king of hell himself, Lucifer.
Lucifer had to attend another meeting due to the population still not going down as much as the Angels hoped. He truly didn’t want to attend such a meeting, but he had to. To avoid the meeting as long as possible he decided to take a walk in the a Garden of Eden, this garden help a special place in Lucifer’s mind, where he met he ex wife Lilith and where evil was created when Eve eating the fruit of wisdom.
Today he chose to visit that very tree, the large tree where everything happened. As the walked through the greenery he way the opening where the tree sat but there was something else, someone else. They’re laid a woman lying in the shade of under the large apple tree wearing a white angelic bread, her beautiful H/L H/C they laid against the bed of grass. Her facial features were gorgeous, things he’s never seen before. She had E/C eyes. Everything about her was enchanting, as he was admiring her the noticed something on her finger, a gold wedding band with a large “A” ingrained on it…she was Adam’s wife.
Lucifer was surprised by the knowledge, when had Adam gotten a new wife? God actually gave him another after what happened to the last two? Lucifer remembering the every tree she lied under. Lucifer idea came to his head, why not keep up the streak of stealing away Adams wife? Lucifer moved swiftly over to the tree taking one of the hanging apples before appearing infront of the woman.
Though Y/N eyes were closed enjoyed the sounds of the garden, they felt an unfamiliar presence around her. She shot her eyes E/C open to see a pale man with blonde hair, we wore a white suit with red detailing along with the snake along his hat,then they notice this hand, he was holding a apple.
Y/N nearly shot up from her previous position, she knew who this was…it was Lucifer. She’s hear stories of the fallen angel, but has never seen his face before but she knew it was him. “Hello my dear.” He said with a smile was he stepped closer to her. She didn’t looked scared more intrigued than anything, which he wasn’t expecting considering the stories told of him by the angels. “Did God not give you a voice dear?” He asked seeming more of a joke. “No,” she said to this, her eyes not leaving his face, “I have one..”
He leaned down get on one knee infront of her, “then why don’t you use it? You could be free…” his clawed hand that held the red apple extend to her, the red apple begging to be taken. She stared at the apple debating it for a moment before her eyes moved back to his, “I have a question for you..” she asked him, she seemed so unmoved by the chance at free will. It caught him a little off guard, “she is truly different..” the thought to himself. “Ask away Dove? What on your mind?” He ask the woman curious what question could be more important then free will.
“What did you do to make Adam’s first to wives to leave him for you?” She asked him, curious
Lucifer smug smile feel into a shocking look, did she not know about what happened? Is Heaven really hiding this from her? Then it hit Lucifer, what a better way to teach then show her. He let the apple drop to the ground as he crawled over to her, moving between her legs, he moves one of his under her chin tilting it to him.
“Would you like to know? I could show you..” he said to her in a low voice.
She looked at him a little shocked, what was this feeling? Y/N had never help this before, she felt hot. “Yes..” she said to him, he smile widen as he lead his face in more. “Are you sure..?” He asked again, in an almost teasing way. Y/N nodded their head, “I am…show me..” and with those words, Lucifer kissed them deep.
It caught Y/N off guard but quickly kissed back, wrapping their arms around this neck pulling him closer Lucifer was quick to move his free arm around your waist and pulled you in. Making her body press against his. The feeling her body pressed again his, Y/N couldn’t help but moan at this foreign feeling growing in her. Lucifer heard her moan, it was like a siren call to him. He took the hand that was on her cheek and moved it down under her dress, brushing his fingers over her clothed pussy.
The feeling of his actions made Y/N jump at the feeling, she’s never felt this, it sent an aching feeling into her cover, it felt as if her body was begging for more. Lucifer pulled away from the kiss, a smile string of saliva connecting them. Her face was flushed, a perfect shade of red. Lucifer pressed against her pussy again feeling a wet pool form, almost like on command she let out another moan, her nail’s scratching the nape of his neck.
Lucifer smiled at her reaction, before moving down. “Let me help you with this…” he said in a low voice full of lust, his voice alone enchanting her. Lucifer spread her legs wider and lifted her dress up, revealing her stomach and clothed pussy. Y/N gasp at the action, a little embarrassed and how relieved she is. Lucifer kissed her stomach as they removed their panties, revealing their soaking wet cunt. Y/N watched him as he kissed down her stomach before pulling away, his eyes moving up to look at hers before back to her pussy.
Lucifer moved her thighs onto his shoulder, knocking off his hat, allowing him full access into to her, before he could react to her lower body being lifted up, Lucifer licked her wet folds. Y/N gasp letting out a moan at the feeling of this long tongue lick her. Lucifer let out a groan, she was he best thing he’s ever tasted, he was quick to move in closer, his mouth pressed against her wet cunt, eating her out like it was his last meal. Y/N couldn’t help but become a moaning mess quickly, the feeling was so foreign but it was the best feeling she’d felt her whole life, she wanted, no, she needed more.
Her hand reaching down and tangled her finger in his blonde hair, pushing his head in. It caught him off guard but he loved seeing her so eager. Lucifer happily fulfilled her wish for move , he slipped his tongue in her as he continued to eat. Y/N felt a pit form inside her, she needed it to go away, he needed to make it go away. “Fuck..please!” Y/N moaned out louder. Lucifer could tell she was close by the feeling of her tightening around his long tongue, he groan at the feeling, feeling his pants tighten up. His groans send a vibration into her.
Y/N clinched her thighs around his head, moaning as the vibration. She felt like she was about to release something that she didn’t even know of. After a few more swift motions of Lucifer, Y/N felt the pit release, she let out a loud moan, she attempted to muffle it out by covering her mouth. Lucifer moaned and slurped up all her juices, it was the perfect taste.
Y/N felt like she was floating, this feeling was so knew but she never wanted it to stop. After he sucked her dry, Lucifer pulled away his chin glistening with her juices. When Lucifer go back onto his knees, he stayed between her now shaking legs, he looked at her flushed face, her eyes clouded with the new pleasure. To him she looked perfectly, he was quick to kiss her deep, yet every passionately. Y/N was quick to kiss back softly playing with his hair. While they kissed, Lucifer was quick to undo this belt. Before he could finish undoing his pants, he pulled away hovering over her.
“Are you ready..?” Lucifer asked softly. Y/N nodded their head eagerly, “Please…I need this..” she said through heavy breaths. Lucifer smiled as he undid his pants pulling them down. His cock springing to life. Y/N gasp softly, mesmerized. Lucifer moved in closer in, when he did Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt him pressing his tip against her entrance, she shivered at the feeling.
After a moment Lucifer slowly entered her stretching her out. She gasped loudly moaning, she felt the sting of him stretching her out. She felt tears peak the corners of her eyes. Noticing this Lucifer stayed still, moving his face down to place butterfly kisses on her face, moving his hand to her cheek holding her kissing away her tears. “It’s ok dove..” he whispered in her ear and he continued his assault of kisses. “Just tell me when to continue, ok..?” He said softly to her, she nodded her head and held him close as he continued to kiss her face, wishing sweet nothing in Y/N’s ear.
After a few minutes, she whispered to him “you can continue..” she said quietly. Lucifer nodded his head as he continued to push in, she whinned a little but it wasn’t as painful as before. Soon he was all the way in, all 8 inches. He was still for a moment looking into Y/N eyes, waiting for her permission to move, Y/N nodded. With the affirming nod of approval, Lucifer pulled nearly all the way our all the way out and slammed back in, making Y/N throw her head pack and moan loudly. It was a perfect mix of pain and pleasure.
Lucifer couldn’t help but moan himself, Y/N was so tight it was a knee feeling to him. He loved him. As he slowly continued his thrust, Y/N could held but moan into Lucifer’s neck. This feeling was new to Y/N and they didn’t want it to end. “Please!” Y/N moaned out to him between this thrust, “more please..” Lucifer smiled at his words as he sped up with his thrust. “Fuck..” Lucifer moaned out as he held her tight. There body’s pressed against each other, Y/N nails were dug into his back nearly tearing his suit jacket, Y/N could feel the pit reforming in her as a fast past, Lucifer could feel it too.
Lucifer could feel him release building up, and it was only getting closer as he felt her squeeze around him. He could only let out groans as he digs his nails through her dress, piecing her skin, drawing blood. Y/N’s head was thrown back they felt like they were about to release. “Please!!” Y/N’s nearly screamed out to him. Lucifer smiled obeying her orders, speeding up for her and his own release. Her blood began to slowly stain her white dress, after a few more thrust Y/N let out a moan as they came again, coating his cock with them. Her body was shaking as he continued to thrust. Feeling the tight wetness, he came into her, painting her wall white. After he was done he clasped onto her, both panting heavily.
Y/N was a shaking mess, Arms wrapped around him tight, almost as if she let go they’d both disappear. “Are you already little dove..?” He asked soft to her. His cock still buried inside her still. “I feel great..” she said softly, nuzzling into him. “Good..” he said quietly kissing her cheek, “now you know why Adams first two wives left him..” Y/N looked at him her E/C filled with wonder and questions. “What does that mean for me.” Lucifer let out a small laugh. “That means your mine now sweetheart..”
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